Submitted by Shaz Mirza
A boat carrying red paint crashed into a boat carrying blue paint.
The crew were marooned.

What does an Eskimo keep his house together with?
Iglue!


Submitted by James Tait
Dracula is walking home one night after his usual round of vampire-related evil when he feels a sharp pain in the back of his leg.

He turns around and spots a vol-au-vent quivering on the pavement.

Thinking nothing of it, the Count continues walking until he feels a rounded punch in his kidneys. Again he looks behind him, but all he can see is a cocktail sausage.

Now feeling somewhat paranoid, he continues his journey back to Castle Drac.

After a few more minutes he feels an excruciating thwack on the back of his head.

Dracula spins around to see a platter of sandwiches hovering behind him.

"Who are you?" shouts his evilness.

"I am Buffet, the Vampire Slayer".


Submitted by Shaz
Things NEVER To Say While Lingerie Shopping

9) No Thanks. Just Sniffing.
8) I'll be in the dressing room going blind.
7) Mom will love this.
6) Oh the size won't matter. She's inflatable.
5) No need to wrap it up. I'll eat it here.
4) Will you model this for me???
3) The Miracle What??? This is better than world peace!!
2) Forty Five bucks?? You're just gonna end up naked ANYWAY!!

And the number one thing that a man should never, ever say out loud:

1) Oh, honey, you'll NEVER squeeze your ass into that!!